The secret pregnancy diaries part 3

Our secret pregnancy blogger is back...Read her first and second instalments. But who is she?

I feel like I'm living a dual life at the moment - even more so that my usual mum/work divide. In person, it's now very obvious that I am pregnant. I unofficially told my boss around 8 weeks when I was having real difficulties with the daily commute and sickness, and a couple of more direct people asked me straight out at a work function when I wasn't drinking. I didn't want to lie to them, but I was surprised by the directness - I am used to people skirting around the issue and giving me space to tell them ('You look tired, are you OK?' type questions) but the 'Are you pregnant?' one threw me a little. 'Why do you ask?' I batted back, only to be told 'Well, you look pregnant,' to which of course the only answer was that I was.

I had the 12 week scan a couple of weeks ago and everything seems to be fine, so I've gradually been telling people in person, and then also by phone or text when it's becoming obvious I am not going to see them - but I haven't mentioned it anywhere online! Last week, I officially told HR and everyone at work knows now, not least because I did finally get one of the baby on board badges for the tube.

Not that it seems to help much - I've been really disheartened by how little attention my fellow commuters pay to each other, and how travelling on uncomfortably packed buses and tubes seems to bring out the selfish worst in people. I don't think pregnancy is the only reason that warrants a seat, but I think life would be a great deal more pleasant if people were more aware and gallant to each other. The amount of times I've been almost squashed trying to get off the tube when the people getting on try to board before everyone has finished getting off... anyway, I digress.

Sadly my morning (all day) sickness and tiredness has not gone away at 12 weeks, and I do not feel glowing in any way. Whilst I am obviously delighted to be pregnant, and especially this week, well aware how lucky I am, that does not mean the heartburn, sickness, tiredness, itchiness, and general all round worry and anxiety are any more pleasant to deal with. This is especially tricky as we have told our daughter that she is going to be a big sister, and while she is pleased, the questions about her place in life and why and how she was created have started and I am finding it a hard line to navigate - being honest but not scary and not saying anything which in her mind could be attributed to the baby causing her mummy to be unwell. I have been suffering rather from a series of migraines, for which I cannot take my usual medication, so she has been very aware that mummy is not so well, and this, combined with her "why" phase, gives me a lot to think about.

Still, last time the sickness passed by about 18 weeks, so only a few more weeks to go!

When did you tell everyone you were pregnant? Did people guess first? You can also read our posts on keeping your early pregnancy a secret and the very first signs of pregnancy, and details on how to get a Baby on Board badge.

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benjy davila

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